So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
