Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
