I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
