first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
