well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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