Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
