Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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