He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
