I love having hate sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Mom said you looked used
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
