Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one might say we're banned from that church
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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