Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I love having hate sex.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
