I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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