Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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