can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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