proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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