i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
