Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
