Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You ate ashes out of my bong
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