Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize