Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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