Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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