Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
