No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
