we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
