imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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