There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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