Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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