Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
