it was like eating out sand paper
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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