he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
