She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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