The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
