In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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