She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
