for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
