this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
