I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
