I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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