yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
