It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
