My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
