I'm going to rape someone's good day.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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