So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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