How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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