she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
