if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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