Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
