Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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