is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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