Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
