you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
