Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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