Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
