I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
