This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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