i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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