apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
