he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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