I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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