So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
