can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
