matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
