I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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