My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
