something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He felt like a one man threesome
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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