He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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